It’s been a helluva great Monday. It started with Quality Egg pleading guilty to ten counts of animal cruelty and agreeing to pay $130,000 in fines.
And this afternoon, the other shoe has dropped. A top egg producer—Land O Lakes—and its two subsidiaries have agreed to cough up $25 million to settle a price fixing lawsuit. Better yet, they’re now ratting out their past co-conspirators—and turning over a trove of incriminating documents. Oh, this is about to get ugly. And expensive. And delicious.
An anticipatory note of response regarding my word choices: English is full of “speciesist” phrases, and “ratting out” is surely among them. But it’s also a fucking great phrase that packs punch that other phrases lack. When I use these sorts of phrases, I’m basically inviting hectoring language police emails from the PC vegan crowd—people who refuse to just unsubscribe without sending a five paragraph email to tell me they’ve unsubscribed. It’s all a clear reminder that somewhere along the line I’ve made tragically bad career choices. Every month, I get emails from vegans that make me think that working as a spank booth mop boy would be a more rewarding line of work than writing this here blog.
That said, I go out of my way to avoid speciesistic language unless the phrase in question is too awesome and uniquely specific to do without. I’m unwilling to neuter my writing in order to please the most annoying members of my readership. So, if this little digression has offended you, please take a flying leap. But if you’re still with me, and you happen to know of a phrase that could be used in place of “ratting out” to equal effect, I’d love to hear it.
One last thing: since my writing strategy is to jettison my readership of humorless scolding fucks, I’m counting on you to help me replace said fucks by reaching out to your cooler non-irritating friends to tell them about the joys of reading this blog. Would you, could you? Thanks bunches.